Playful Seeing

Noticing what is given to you freely, what you don't need to fight off or fix

Moving on from meandering, I take you to seeing.

Seeing is big. I’ve done some eye therapy, and I was shocked by what was revealed to me. SHOCKED. I didn’t even know my eyes were seeing things in a certain way, yet when my therapist said it, I knew it to be true. Your mind can lie to you, but your body can’t.

In other words, we don’t see everything. Kara McIntosh talked about this in my interview with her on getting lost.

When we put new things in our hand (like a paint brush in Kara’s case), or find ourselves in new spaces (like a dance or writing class), we naturally feel discomfort.

And that could be great.

Mindfulness teachers explain how discomfort is a source of energy telling us to get out of our thoughts and align to a bigger self, a self more connected to soul, body, spirit.

In other words, in discomfort it’s normal to contract, AND it’s normal to gain alertness.

An example: me during the pandemic. Naturally, I retreated into fear and anxiety. The uncertainty was uncomfortable and destabilizing. Like many, I took angry walks around my small neighbourhood. But - and this will sound trite - I began seeing things I’d never noticed before, like an absolutely stunning cherry tree not more than 5 minutes walk from my house. It became the thing that helped me get out of my discursive thoughts and back into the wider world during some dark days.

Cherry blossoms are other-worldly. Image source: New York Botanical Gardens

This brings me to TikTok sensation Timm Chiusano who, during COVID, found a playful way of seeing his job in corporate America and middle age. He tried out different mediums, iterated in different ways, and then got into a groove where he found a light and loving mirroring back of self and place in life.

One of Bono’s favourite theologians, Richard Rohr, says:

“times of unknowing are almost always endured more than enjoyed. However, the experience of mystery, paradox, and not-knowing brings to our lives a rich and unexpected grounding.”

This grounding, I think, is an arrow into creative intelligence. Follow what grounds you and see where it leads. When it feels soft and playful, not hard and opinionated, you’re in that creative state, you’re tapping into something you and the world needs to be created. You’re seeing with greater scope.

More on this in my conversation with Timm below.

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Timm, let me speak in your language: in details, in facts - you have almost a million TikTok followers, video stories that have amassed 24 million likes off of hundreds of millions of views. Your creative expression has clearly attracted a lot of people’s attention - and done much more than that, which we’ll move into later. But, I want to start with your comfort level at putting yourself out there, because it takes vulnerability. You’re not projecting a self on TikTok that is all-knowing and all-important. Your videos engage with the world and offer a lens that’s intimate and specific. Does that feel hard to do? Or is it in your wiring? 

I come at it from an organic place, but it’s by no means easy. Fear of judgment is real, but judgment keeps you in a box. It takes practice to learn not to care. But capturing and crafting these stories and snapshots of life has become important. I feel out of sync when I’m not doing it. 

It comes first from an idea, and then a need to build on the idea. There’s something in the subconscious that says it needs to be explored and refined. It also needs to be fun. There is something fun I notice in a situation, in a detail, and I feel an urgency to express it. And then this snowball effect naturally happens.

But everyone is different. I think the key is to understand the way your head works and find comfort in a space that makes sense to you. 

But it takes work and, yeah, vulnerability. It’s not about me saying I can do anything better than anybody else. It’s about creating dialogue and being up close to details, and then putting it out there.

I recently asked an audience at a conference, “How are Jay-Z and Howard Stern similar?” They both put themselves out there and don’t give a fuck. 

That idea of creative work being in dialogue is so interesting. Do you think that way intentionally? Because then I guess the work naturally becomes about connection more than anything else. 

In every TikTok post, I am looking for a conversation. I’m putting a lens on details that are specific, small, and usually attainable. And it’s been wild to see people connect with it. It is not an overstatement when I say I’ve received at least 10,000 messages from people. And some that are really personal. People have told me they were contemplating suicide and found something in a post that helped them; others who are going through rehab; some who just want to say thanks for putting something fun and positive out into the world. I get stopped now by people who recognize me and want to take a selfie. It’s just wild. 

That is wild. It really hits on that idea that creative expression will always be bigger than you. If it’s authentic, people will connect with it.

Now, on this theme, what would you suggest to others, what is a small thing someone can do to call up that creative muscle that is more playful, less self-conscious, and more open to expressing itself?

I can only look at it in a way that makes sense to me, and that is through the lens of fact. Mixing fact and detail. In anything, a description is always present. There is no pressure to be emotionally descriptive, to go into that space. It’s just fact. So for example, instead of saying the sky is beautiful, you can say that the sky is pantone X and it rises at a specific time. Or it’s about noticing that the woman on the subway was wearing a blue jacket next to the person that smelled like booze. I am not the main character.  I am just the lens, the one who is noticing things that are real and present. 

I’d also suggest exploring different mediums. There are so many out there. Get comfortable with your voice in that medium and its audience, how it can facilitate a dialogue. It’s a process. But the main metric is that it has to feel fun. Fun is essential. I have to love the process of making each story, and I do. 

As a revolutionary act, notice what is tender and given to you freely - what you don’t have to fight off or fix. Thanks Timm for helping us do this. By the way, while there are so many Timm TikTok stories to enjoy, I’d suggest this one that features “Screw,” my husband (and suddenly seems to have 1 million views…).

Also, Timm and I would love if you’d share your playful noticings in the comments!